New Liberty
United Methodist Church
Sermon Notes
Desperate for Communication
Ephesians 4:29
29Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.
Communication is the ability to speak _____________ and ____________ and to hear _____________ and ________________ what is being said.
Words are _____________
Will we use words to give _________ or ___________?
Encouragement means that we focus on the _____________ of the other person rather than their __________________.
How do I become encouraging?
Memorize Ephesians 4:29
For the next week you can’t say anything negative about your spouse/child/friend, to your spouse/child/friend, or to anyone else about your spouse/child/friend.
Be intentional about saying something that you admire or appreciate about your spouse/child/friend.
Additional Scripture: Proverbs 18:21; Hebrews 3:13; Proverbs 16:21
Friday, January 9, 2009
Communication
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Desperate Households
Desperate for Communication
Ephesians 4: 29
January 11th, 2009
Do you ever feel that you are talking a different language than your spouse? Do you get that confused look from some people when you begin to speak? Communication is difficult. Men and women communicate differently. When a man says, “Can I help with dinner?” He really means, “Why isn’t it already on the table?” When a woman says, “Come help me with dinner.” She really means, “I want to tell you everything about my day.” When a man says, “Take a break honey, you’re working to hard.” He really means, “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.” When a woman says, “Take a break honey, you’re working too hard.” A woman never says that because she is just glad to get him to do something around the house!
Today we are going to look at the area of communication. We will focus particularly on the role of encouragement in communication. In your bulletin you will find an area for sermon notes. We encourage you to take the opportunity to fill that out and use it as a guide for further study during the week.
What is communication? Communication is simply the ability to speak freely and honestly and to hear clearly and accurately what is being said. The reason communication can be so challenging is because our behavior is always a function of perception. We behave according to how things seem to us not necessarily what may be true to reality. This causes us to interpret words in a manner that they may not have intended. For example, when I reflect back over most of the arguments my wife and I have had they have developed over either me or her misinterpreted what was being said. Our communication circles around the perceptions we create. The good news is that our perception can be modified.
There was a study done a number of years back at the University of Denver. They looked at newlyweds over the first ten years of their marriage. And this is what they found out: The couples that ended up staying together used five or less putdowns out of every one hundred comments. And the ones who eventually split up were using ten or more putdowns for every one hundred comments.
The message is obvious. The words we use will dictate the health and quality of our relationships. Words are powerful. In the story of Job we have a man who has lost everything – his children, his home, and his health. He has three friends who come and try to convince Job that it is his fault that he is in this horrible state. Finally Job has enough of this negative bashing, he says, “"How long are you going to keep battering away at me, pounding me with these harangues? Time after time after time you jump all over me. Do you have no conscience, abusing me like this? Even if I have, somehow or other, gotten off the track, what business is that of yours? Why do you insist on putting me down, using my troubles as a stick to beat me” (Job 19:ff The Message)? The writer of Proverbs says, “Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose” (Proverbs 18:21, The Message). We have a choice. Will we use words to give life or kill? When it comes to your most intimate relationships with spouse, children, and friends how careful are you with your words?
In Ephesians 4: 29 the Apostle Paul says, “Let no evil talk come out of your mouth, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.” I want to ask you to repeat this verse with me.
The reason that our spouse may not be hearing what we are saying is because we have spoke so much negativity that they have closed themselves off to our words. Most of our life we function by rewards. We work for a paycheck. We play by certain rules to get the benefits. We may live for rewards but we live by encouragement. The trick is we cannot encourage ourselves. Encouragement must come from others and if we are only getting shut down then we are more tempted to shut out.
In the book of Hebrews we are told to “encourage one another daily” (Hebrews 3: 13 NIV). How do we do this? Encouragement means that we focus on the strengths of the other person rather than their weaknesses. I want you to practice being encouraging this week. First, memorize Ephesians 4: 29. Let’s say it again, ““Let no evil talk come out of your mouth, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.” Secondly, For the next week you can’t say anything negative about your spouse/friend/child, to your spouse/friend/child, or to anyone else about your spouse/friend/child. Thirdly, be intentional about saying something that you admire or appreciate about your spouse/friend/child every day.
Proverbs 16: 21 says, “Pleasant words are persuasive.” It is true isn’t? We are a lot more motivated with words of encouragement than we are with words of negativity. Every time you speak a word of encouragement to your spouse, friend or child you are in affect saying, “I believe in you.” Those words can change marriages and relationships. Amen.
Desperate for Communication
Ephesians 4: 29
January 11th, 2009
Do you ever feel that you are talking a different language than your spouse? Do you get that confused look from some people when you begin to speak? Communication is difficult. Men and women communicate differently. When a man says, “Can I help with dinner?” He really means, “Why isn’t it already on the table?” When a woman says, “Come help me with dinner.” She really means, “I want to tell you everything about my day.” When a man says, “Take a break honey, you’re working to hard.” He really means, “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.” When a woman says, “Take a break honey, you’re working too hard.” A woman never says that because she is just glad to get him to do something around the house!
Today we are going to look at the area of communication. We will focus particularly on the role of encouragement in communication. In your bulletin you will find an area for sermon notes. We encourage you to take the opportunity to fill that out and use it as a guide for further study during the week.
What is communication? Communication is simply the ability to speak freely and honestly and to hear clearly and accurately what is being said. The reason communication can be so challenging is because our behavior is always a function of perception. We behave according to how things seem to us not necessarily what may be true to reality. This causes us to interpret words in a manner that they may not have intended. For example, when I reflect back over most of the arguments my wife and I have had they have developed over either me or her misinterpreted what was being said. Our communication circles around the perceptions we create. The good news is that our perception can be modified.
There was a study done a number of years back at the University of Denver. They looked at newlyweds over the first ten years of their marriage. And this is what they found out: The couples that ended up staying together used five or less putdowns out of every one hundred comments. And the ones who eventually split up were using ten or more putdowns for every one hundred comments.
The message is obvious. The words we use will dictate the health and quality of our relationships. Words are powerful. In the story of Job we have a man who has lost everything – his children, his home, and his health. He has three friends who come and try to convince Job that it is his fault that he is in this horrible state. Finally Job has enough of this negative bashing, he says, “"How long are you going to keep battering away at me, pounding me with these harangues? Time after time after time you jump all over me. Do you have no conscience, abusing me like this? Even if I have, somehow or other, gotten off the track, what business is that of yours? Why do you insist on putting me down, using my troubles as a stick to beat me” (Job 19:ff The Message)? The writer of Proverbs says, “Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose” (Proverbs 18:21, The Message). We have a choice. Will we use words to give life or kill? When it comes to your most intimate relationships with spouse, children, and friends how careful are you with your words?
In Ephesians 4: 29 the Apostle Paul says, “Let no evil talk come out of your mouth, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.” I want to ask you to repeat this verse with me.
The reason that our spouse may not be hearing what we are saying is because we have spoke so much negativity that they have closed themselves off to our words. Most of our life we function by rewards. We work for a paycheck. We play by certain rules to get the benefits. We may live for rewards but we live by encouragement. The trick is we cannot encourage ourselves. Encouragement must come from others and if we are only getting shut down then we are more tempted to shut out.
In the book of Hebrews we are told to “encourage one another daily” (Hebrews 3: 13 NIV). How do we do this? Encouragement means that we focus on the strengths of the other person rather than their weaknesses. I want you to practice being encouraging this week. First, memorize Ephesians 4: 29. Let’s say it again, ““Let no evil talk come out of your mouth, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.” Secondly, For the next week you can’t say anything negative about your spouse/friend/child, to your spouse/friend/child, or to anyone else about your spouse/friend/child. Thirdly, be intentional about saying something that you admire or appreciate about your spouse/friend/child every day.
Proverbs 16: 21 says, “Pleasant words are persuasive.” It is true isn’t? We are a lot more motivated with words of encouragement than we are with words of negativity. Every time you speak a word of encouragement to your spouse, friend or child you are in affect saying, “I believe in you.” Those words can change marriages and relationships. Amen.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Hope or Despair
Every person has a choice in how they will live their lives. We can focus on our badness, our failed attempts at life, our weaknesses, our sickness, our brokenness or we can focus on God’s goodness that is revealed in Jesus. It is a choice between despair and hope. The story of Christmas is a story of hope. It is the story of God still believing in us. Some of us think that God has stopped believing in us. You are focused on your circumstances and situations and everything looks hopeless. I want you to know that there are no hopeless situations. I want you to know that God has never stopped believing in you.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Thanksgiving Prayer
Accept, O Lord, our thanks and praise for all that you’ve done for us. We thank you for the splendor of the whole creation, for the wonder of life, and for the mystery of love.
We thank you for the blessing of family and friends, and for the loving care which surrounds us on every side.
We thank you for our successes which satisfy and delight us — but also for the disappointments and failures that lead us to acknowledge our dependence on you alone.
Above all, we thank you for your Son, Jesus Christ — for the truth of his Word and the example of his life. We thank you for his dying, through which he overcame death — and for his rising to life again, in which we are raised to the life of your Kingdom.
Father, may we at all times and in all places, we give thanks to you in all things. Amen.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Talking To Myself
Sometimes I talk to myself. I know what your thinking. Psychologists have never fully understood the phenomenon of self-dialogue. Whatever may be the cause, talking to yourself is not consider normal behavior. There are times, however, when such a conversation can be helpful.
Take for instance the story of the Prodigal Son in the Bible. It is a story about a young man who had a talk with himself. One day, according to the story, the young man got tired of the discipline of his father’s farm. Gathering all he owned, he ran away to a distant land where he thought life would be free and easy. Things didn’t go well for the boy. His money ran out, and he found himself in the fields, eating with the pigs. In the story there is this line, “And when the boy came to himself.” Perhaps the boy didn’t have a verbal conversation – I don’t either for those who are curious – but he did a lot of soul searching.
The boy learned a lesson. He found that his old home was better than he thought. Sometimes it takes the absence of a thing to make us appreciate it. Our freedom is a priceless possession. We cannot live without our health. Work can seem like drudgery until we can’t find work. Our families can at times seem to require endless time and effort. But life without loved ones can be lonely. The wondering boy in the story reminds us that some things we treat so carelessly are in fact our most priceless treasures.
Have you talked to yourself lately? Every now and then it helps to sit down and do a bit of soul-searching. Life could be better for many of us if we took time this Thanksgiving to reflect on all we have to be thankful. Just don’t start talking to the turkey!
Take for instance the story of the Prodigal Son in the Bible. It is a story about a young man who had a talk with himself. One day, according to the story, the young man got tired of the discipline of his father’s farm. Gathering all he owned, he ran away to a distant land where he thought life would be free and easy. Things didn’t go well for the boy. His money ran out, and he found himself in the fields, eating with the pigs. In the story there is this line, “And when the boy came to himself.” Perhaps the boy didn’t have a verbal conversation – I don’t either for those who are curious – but he did a lot of soul searching.
The boy learned a lesson. He found that his old home was better than he thought. Sometimes it takes the absence of a thing to make us appreciate it. Our freedom is a priceless possession. We cannot live without our health. Work can seem like drudgery until we can’t find work. Our families can at times seem to require endless time and effort. But life without loved ones can be lonely. The wondering boy in the story reminds us that some things we treat so carelessly are in fact our most priceless treasures.
Have you talked to yourself lately? Every now and then it helps to sit down and do a bit of soul-searching. Life could be better for many of us if we took time this Thanksgiving to reflect on all we have to be thankful. Just don’t start talking to the turkey!
Church of the Second Chance
In Anne Tyler’s novel Saint Maybe, nineteen-year-old Ian tells his parents, Doug and Bee Bedloe, of his decision to leave college and become an apprentice cabinetmaker. This will enable Ian to raise the young children of his deceased brother, Danny. Ian has arrived at this decision because of the influence in his life of Rev. Emmett and the Church of the Second Chance, a congregation that believes in actual atonement, that is, that you must do something “real” to be forgiven for your sins. Ian’s sin was that he led his drunken brother to believe that his wife was unfaithful, after which Danny committed suicide.In the crucial scene in which Ian tells his parents of the change in the course of his life, church and faith enter the conversation. Ian explains that he will have help from his church in juggling his new job and the responsibility for the children. This alarms his parents.
"Ian, have you fallen into the hands of some sect?” his fatherasked.“No, I haven’t,” Ian said. “I have merely discovered a churchthat makes sense to me, the same as Dober Street Presbyterian makes sense to youand Mom.”“Dober Street didn’t ask us to abandon our educations,” his mothertold him.“Of course we have nothing against religion; we raised all of youchildren to be Christians. But our church never asked us to abandon ourentire way of life.”“Well, maybe it should have,” Ian saidHis parentslooked at each other.His mother said, “I don’t believe this. I donot believe it. No matter how long I’ve been a mother, it seems my children can still come up with something new and unexpected to do to me.”
Ian’s is a story of two kinds of churches. Dober Street is a church that mainly confirms people’s lives as they are. The Church of the Second Chance disrupts lives in the name of Jesus so that people can change.We have too many Dober Street churches!
"Ian, have you fallen into the hands of some sect?” his fatherasked.“No, I haven’t,” Ian said. “I have merely discovered a churchthat makes sense to me, the same as Dober Street Presbyterian makes sense to youand Mom.”“Dober Street didn’t ask us to abandon our educations,” his mothertold him.“Of course we have nothing against religion; we raised all of youchildren to be Christians. But our church never asked us to abandon ourentire way of life.”“Well, maybe it should have,” Ian saidHis parentslooked at each other.His mother said, “I don’t believe this. I donot believe it. No matter how long I’ve been a mother, it seems my children can still come up with something new and unexpected to do to me.”
Ian’s is a story of two kinds of churches. Dober Street is a church that mainly confirms people’s lives as they are. The Church of the Second Chance disrupts lives in the name of Jesus so that people can change.We have too many Dober Street churches!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Sharing Christ
Virginia Cobb says, "Our message is a person we've experienced, not a doctrine, system, religion, book, church, ethic. " First and foremost the Christian faith has nothing to do with knowing a creed, or living a set of moral laws, or believing certain doctrines, but rather everything to do with knowing a person. The problem is that many Christians try to present Christianity as a better religion. In my own experience I have discovered that people are interested in Christianity not because it is a religion but the experience that people have with the living Jesus. Yet is often to see Jesus for all the religious and cultural baggage surrounding him.
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