Saturday, January 17, 2009

Lima Beans


Lima Beans

I remember the first time I ate lima beans. It was a horrible experience; one that has embedded itself into my memory. I don’t tell my children just in case they want to have the experience for themselves. There are certain memories that we would like to simply erase from our mind while others we would like to savor for a lifetime. My wife finds it fascinating how my memory becomes selective while we are in the midst of a really good argument. Of course it never happens the way she says it does.
Sometimes the human memory seems pretty erratic. Our mind goes blank when we try to recall a name. We put up items simply so we want lose it and we forget where we placed them. Memory is an amazing feat of the human brain and serves as a testimony to the wonder of God’s creation. Have you ever considered that the mind feeds on the food that is placed at its disposal?
In the Old Testament there is a story of a man named Elijah. He was a prophet who spoke God’s word to the kings and queens. One day Elijah lost his courage and retreated to a remote hiding place. He became so discouraged he asked for permission to die. The reason for his despair was a manhunt instigated by the infamous Queen Jezebel. The search involved so many people that Elijah assumed he was left alone. In fact, the story says that seven thousand people in Elijah’s homeland that refuse to surrender to Queen Jezebel. But Elijah had lost sight of those loyal supporters. He remembered only his enemies and those memories led him to despair.
Now fast forward a few hundred years later to a Roman Jail. The apostle Paul had been through some of the most unpleasant and terrifying experiences. He had been stoned, beaten, snake bit, hunted as a criminal, and now locked behind bars. With those experiences in the background, Paul remembered the countless people who had encouraged him. He remembered that out of the worst of times there comes the seed of good. Paul jotted down a letter to his friends from his cell that contains these words, “I have learned in whatever state I find myself to be content.”
Our mental outlook is conditioned in part by what we recall from the past. Not all our memories are blessed, but our lives center on what gets our attention. People who dwell in the disappointing experiences, like forced to eat lima beans, tend to become bitter and cynical. Those who recall the positive and encouraging things remain bright and optimistic. The memory is a window through which life is viewed.
The problem is many of us remember the wrong things. There is a story about a man – could have been some of my relatives – who was remembering the hardships of his early life. You know, things like walking to school in a foot of snow, plowing in the field from morning to dawn, eating lima beans five nights a week. He exaggerated to such an extent that his wife felt compelled to set him straight. “Hush,” he said to her. “Half of the fun in remembering the good old days is rearranging them.”
We can manipulate our memory. What we give to our minds will eventually determine what they contain. Feed the mind on the right things and life takes on the right complexion. I always make it a point to remind my mother that she really messed me up making me eat lima beans. She reminded me the other day that she also served chocolate cake that day as well. Oh well, I guess I forgot.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Desperate for Intimacy - Notes

Desperate Households
Desperate for Intimacy
Message Notes
Song of Solomon 8:6 – 7
Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is strong as death, passion fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, a raging flame. 7Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If one offered for love all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly scorned.

· Intimacy is the bridge that links _______________ and ___________________.
· Love is strong as _______________.
· Intimacy is about ________________.

How to develop intimacy in relationships.
1. Talk about your weaknesses


2. Offer your strength


3. View marriage as an adventure


Marriage is an adventure of helping the other person be all that God intends for them to be.
How will I offer my strength to the person I love?

Desperate for Intimacy - Sermon


Desperate Households
Desperate for Intimacy
Song of Solomon 8: 6 – 7

Once upon a time there lived in the Midwest a girl. Her father, who owned a large wheat field, had died when she was just seven. Leaving the wheat field to her three older brothers, her mother, and her. The brothers filled their days with alcohol and criticism of their sister. She never let them see her cry.
She might be a wheat farmer, but she is a princess at heart. She is young with a youth that seems eternal. Her flowing hair, her deep eyes, her luscious lips, her sculpted figure – she makes the rose blush for shame. The sun is pale compared to her light. Her heart is golden. Her love is true as an arrow.
One evening she was floating through the wheat field and she noticed a young, handsome, warrior of a man standing at the end of the field. The power in his eyes has her oblivious to the darkness that is falling around her.
They speak. Her mother calls for her to come home. She leaves. He asks to see her again. She smiles. Another day. Same place. They connect.
The wheat field becomes a battle ground for her heart. Her brothers try to kill her passion with words that wound. Her warrior fights back with a raw courage to set her free. Much blood is shed on both sides. The battle is intense. The warrior is wounded. His princess throws her self on him and passionately says, “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is strong as death, passion fierce as the grave.”
Her brothers coward back slouched in defeat. The princess and her courageous warrior create a bed out of the wheat and give passion a new meaning.
Fast forward ten years and the princess drives a taxi disguised as a mini-van, a warrior with a bear gut whose courageous stand has been replaced by a slouched, beer gut flopped in a recliner with the sword replaced by a remote control. She know longer feels like a princess, no like connects, no longer feels the passion found in the wheat field, or the commitment of a man that will fight for her heart that was once upon a time now she never lets them see her cry.
Today a lot of relationships are desperate for intimacy. A lot of folks have had their “once upon a time” turn into “once upon a disaster.” Do you remember when you were dating and the stupidest thing that your boyfriend said or did just made you laugh? Guys, do you remember when she simply just walked in the room your mouth automatically when into that goofy smile position? How many of us can think back on a friendship that we once had where we promised to always be there for the other person. We were committed to be friends no matter what and then life happened, marriage, children, careers, and before you knew it you lost touch? What about that marriage that started out with so much passion, when sex was something that not only other people were doing, when you still enjoyed sitting and talking, when you did spontaneous, mysterious things just to make the other person happy? Remember when commitment was real and lived out and not something you screamed in the middle of an argument about failed attempt at commitment? What happened? Passion is missing. Commitment is a failure.
Intimacy. Intimacy is what happened or what didn’t happen. Intimacy is not something that can be easily defined. Early in life we are sold on this myth of perfect relationships. We are given an image of marriage as a fairy tale or friendships that never have conflict. Intimacy is the bridge that links passion and commitment. Every relationship has three components of love: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Passion generally is highest early in a relationship. All couples have to do is think back to the honeymoon stage. Early on marriages have a lot of passion. The honeymoon stage is a very intense period in any relationship. Some of our most passionate love is experienced during this period. Also some of our most passionate conflicts are experienced. The reason all this passion is flying is because we tend to unconsciously select a partner for how he or she makes us feel. We choose someone to fill the emotional gap left over from childhood. In time, this unconscious demand leaves both partners angry, empty, and fearful. Passion eventually dies without commitment and in order to link passion to commitment one must have intimacy in marriage. Passion and commitment can both exist and should exist in marriage. When we add intimacy to a relationship we can experience passionate commitment. What person in here today does not want to experience passionate commitment? A commitment that lifts the relationship on a level that no one knew existed. It is this type of commitment that is described in the Song of Solomon.
The song belongs to a tradition of love poetry found in other places in the Near East. It represents an ideal of love. It shows a relationship charged with erotic energy. Love in the Song of Solomon is seen as a communion of souls. For the two lovers, love becomes a mode of perception. When the two lovers look at each other they see a world of their own making. It is a Song describing a man and woman in unashamed intimacy. The Song moves from the experience of intense longing to that of blissful enjoyment, and then to longing once more. The woman seeks her absent love and finds him, only to lose him and seek him again. The lovers are separated from each other, joined in an ecstatic embrace, and then apart once again. The Song moves between presence and absence, possession and loss, exhilaration and dejection. Everything about this love is mutual. Both man and woman move from one emotion to the other.
The scripture we read earlier is the culmination of the union of the man and woman. Let’s read it again. (Ask all the women read it out loud) The woman says to her lover, “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is strong as death, passion fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, in a raging flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If one offered for love all the wealth of one’s house, it would be utterly scorned” (Song of Solomon 8: 6 – 7).
A young warrior, a beautiful princess when making love, together they confront death. Love is as strong as death. Could it be possible that the love between two people is a defiant act against death? Love is a challenge to death. In Hebrew the phrase “a raging flame” can also be understood as “a flame of Yahweh himself.” Passion and intimacy is God’s idea. Intimacy starts with God.
Intimacy is about strength. Intimacy is the offer our strength to the person we love. To offer our strength to the person we are passionate about means that we are willing to go to battle for her. It means that she is ready to stand up for her man. To offer a friend our strength is to reassure them we are with them when they struggle. Offering our strength to another person is risky. We take the risk of self-disclosure. It is allowing our partner to know our fears and our dreams and our weaknesses. In order to know your strength and have it to offer we must be aware of our weaknesses. Revealing our weaknesses is a humbling experience and one that many men are not willing to take.
Men we cannot have the princess without the cost. Ladies, you cannot have the warrior with the cost. Men, we cannot have the joys of the beauty without willing to fight. Ladies, you cannot know the joy of companionship without a fight. A lot of people today want love without the risk, want passion without commitment, want intimacy without demonstrating strength. What they get is a one night stand of weak, shallow, and disconnectedness and we are not talking about college students on Spring Break but marriage couples who have been together for twenty-five years.
How do we develop intimacy in marriage and relationships? First, talk about your weaknesses. Don’t be afraid to share with your partner what frightens you. Be honest. Don’t coward behind a false strength. Second, offer your strength. Be willing to fight for the other person. Be willing to sacrifice. Stand up. Three, view marriage as an adventure. Marriage ought to be a daring adventure or it is nothing. It should be an adventure in growth and in change, in breaking out of the familiar and into the excitement of doing new things together, and discovering new life. A lot of men view marriage like a hunting trip – after the wedding the adventure is over. The deer has been mounted. A lot of women view marriage like fishing. The fish caught out of the large pool has been transplanted into the fish bowl.
I tell couples when they come in for pre-marital counseling that they are given the responsibility for one simple thing in marriage. Marriage is an adventure of helping the other person be all that God intends for them to be. What if we all had that vision of marriage? Our roles is to partner with God in bringing the people in my life into a relationship with God and to serve Him the way that He intended. Repeat this with me: I will offer my strength to the person I love. I will offer my strength to the person I love. How will you do that? Take a moment and write out the ways you will begin to offer your strength to the person you love? Do it together and both of you can experience an intimacy in marriage that you did not know existed.
Intimacy is a journey. It will be a destination you will never reach. It puts the adventure into marriage and relationships. So go ahead start the journey. Offer your strength. Be adventurous. That is God’s way for relationships. Amen.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The Call of the Sea


"The call of God is like the call of the sea, no one hears it but the one who has the nature of the sea in him," says Oswald Chambers (My Utmost For His Highest). It seems we have a choice in life. We can simply be passengers on the vessel of life and be taken a drift by whatever current happens to be running the strongest. All my life I expected somebody else to tell me what to do with myself. I have attempted to live my life free of responsibility. I chose safety over the freedom of risk. The struggle I found in all this is that I was a poser living by a map given to me by other posers.
Our other option is that we can choose to be skippers of our own vessels and raise our sails and catch the wind of God's Spirit. Like the call of the sea, the voice of God is not heard by everyone. Those who hear it seem like fools, irrational, and careless persons to those who are deaf to the call. My life does not make sense to everyone and then again, maybe it shouldn't. However, in my search for life, love, and faith I know I must lift the sail and catch the winds of God's Spirit wherever they drive the boat. I choose to not live my life as a sailor longing for the sea and yet afraid (words from a poem by Edgar Lee Masters). A boat that stays in harbor never experiences the reason for its existence.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Ignorant About Ourselves

I am finding that it is amazing how ignorant we are about ourselves. Sometimes I find excuses to not spend time alone with God because I am afraid of what might be revealed about myself. As I talk to people and as I reflect on my own life I have come to the conclusion that it takes courage to go to the inner depth of our soul. So many people are so afraid to go there. Myself included. One of the steps to healing is to get rid of the idea that we understand ourselves. I don't know if my pride will let me do that!

Friday, January 9, 2009

Notes for Desperate for Communication

New Liberty
United Methodist Church

Sermon Notes
Desperate for Communication

Ephesians 4:29
29Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.

Communication is the ability to speak _____________ and ____________ and to hear _____________ and ________________ what is being said.
Words are _____________
Will we use words to give _________ or ___________?
Encouragement means that we focus on the _____________ of the other person rather than their __________________.

How do I become encouraging?
Memorize Ephesians 4:29
For the next week you can’t say anything negative about your spouse/child/friend, to your spouse/child/friend, or to anyone else about your spouse/child/friend.
Be intentional about saying something that you admire or appreciate about your spouse/child/friend.

Additional Scripture: Proverbs 18:21; Hebrews 3:13; Proverbs 16:21

Communication


Desperate Households
Desperate for Communication
Ephesians 4: 29
January 11th, 2009

Do you ever feel that you are talking a different language than your spouse? Do you get that confused look from some people when you begin to speak? Communication is difficult. Men and women communicate differently. When a man says, “Can I help with dinner?” He really means, “Why isn’t it already on the table?” When a woman says, “Come help me with dinner.” She really means, “I want to tell you everything about my day.” When a man says, “Take a break honey, you’re working to hard.” He really means, “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.” When a woman says, “Take a break honey, you’re working too hard.” A woman never says that because she is just glad to get him to do something around the house!
Today we are going to look at the area of communication. We will focus particularly on the role of encouragement in communication. In your bulletin you will find an area for sermon notes. We encourage you to take the opportunity to fill that out and use it as a guide for further study during the week.
What is communication? Communication is simply the ability to speak freely and honestly and to hear clearly and accurately what is being said. The reason communication can be so challenging is because our behavior is always a function of perception. We behave according to how things seem to us not necessarily what may be true to reality. This causes us to interpret words in a manner that they may not have intended. For example, when I reflect back over most of the arguments my wife and I have had they have developed over either me or her misinterpreted what was being said. Our communication circles around the perceptions we create. The good news is that our perception can be modified.
There was a study done a number of years back at the University of Denver. They looked at newlyweds over the first ten years of their marriage. And this is what they found out: The couples that ended up staying together used five or less putdowns out of every one hundred comments. And the ones who eventually split up were using ten or more putdowns for every one hundred comments.
The message is obvious. The words we use will dictate the health and quality of our relationships. Words are powerful. In the story of Job we have a man who has lost everything – his children, his home, and his health. He has three friends who come and try to convince Job that it is his fault that he is in this horrible state. Finally Job has enough of this negative bashing, he says, “"How long are you going to keep battering away at me, pounding me with these harangues? Time after time after time you jump all over me. Do you have no conscience, abusing me like this? Even if I have, somehow or other, gotten off the track, what business is that of yours? Why do you insist on putting me down, using my troubles as a stick to beat me” (Job 19:ff The Message)? The writer of Proverbs says, “Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose” (Proverbs 18:21, The Message). We have a choice. Will we use words to give life or kill? When it comes to your most intimate relationships with spouse, children, and friends how careful are you with your words?
In Ephesians 4: 29 the Apostle Paul says, “Let no evil talk come out of your mouth, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.” I want to ask you to repeat this verse with me.
The reason that our spouse may not be hearing what we are saying is because we have spoke so much negativity that they have closed themselves off to our words. Most of our life we function by rewards. We work for a paycheck. We play by certain rules to get the benefits. We may live for rewards but we live by encouragement. The trick is we cannot encourage ourselves. Encouragement must come from others and if we are only getting shut down then we are more tempted to shut out.
In the book of Hebrews we are told to “encourage one another daily” (Hebrews 3: 13 NIV). How do we do this? Encouragement means that we focus on the strengths of the other person rather than their weaknesses. I want you to practice being encouraging this week. First, memorize Ephesians 4: 29. Let’s say it again, ““Let no evil talk come out of your mouth, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.” Secondly, For the next week you can’t say anything negative about your spouse/friend/child, to your spouse/friend/child, or to anyone else about your spouse/friend/child. Thirdly, be intentional about saying something that you admire or appreciate about your spouse/friend/child every day.
Proverbs 16: 21 says, “Pleasant words are persuasive.” It is true isn’t? We are a lot more motivated with words of encouragement than we are with words of negativity. Every time you speak a word of encouragement to your spouse, friend or child you are in affect saying, “I believe in you.” Those words can change marriages and relationships. Amen.