Faith and Doubt

In the bible there is a story about a man who has a son that is controlled by an evil spirit. The evil spirit takes control of the boys will and forces him into dangerous situations. The father brings the boy to the disciples and the disciples were ineffective at delivering the boy from the evil controlling spirit. So the boy is presented to Jesus. The boy’s father pleads with Jesus to have mercy and heal his son. Jesus says, “All things can be done for the one who believes.” Immediately the father of the child cried out, “I believe; help my unbelief!” Like the father, I live somewhere between faith and doubt.
I have my doubts. I know this is not something you want to hear from your spiritual leader. If anyone is suppose to have an unwavering confidence in God and God’s world it is the minister. But I have my doubts. When I was asked to preach the funeral of a two year old child, I had a few sleepless nights struggling with doubt. When I hear on the news how a wonderful ministry as providing food for the poor can be destroyed by the stealing of thousands of dollars by its own ministers, I have doubts. When I sit on the porch of the church trying to help a teenage girl make sense of why her mother and father would be taken from her within just months a part, I have doubts. When the ministry that you have sacrificed and poured your life into is kept from moving forward because of personal differences between two people, I have my doubts. There are times that I doubt.
I also have faith. When I go to another country and give a bible to a mother that has never owned one and watch her face light up and tears roll down her face, I have faith. When I see a vision become reality, I can have faith. When someone I have been praying for commits their life to Christ, I have faith. When another person I have been praying for finally returns back to the faith after years of staying away, I have faith. When I have those moments where I catch a glimpse of the vastness of God’s love for me, I have faith.
Most of us grew up believing that faith and doubt cannot possibly happen together. We were taught that if I had doubt then I was lacking in faith. Many hold to the idea that if I allow any room for doubt then it shows that I lack faith. We place doubt opposite of faith and believe that they cannot go together. And yet, when something occurs in our life where we have not been called on before to have faith and we begin to have doubts we feel paralyzed, inadequate, and less spiritual. We have been taught to believe that faith is like certain knowledge. We must either believe it to be true or spend eternity in the flaming fires of hell. Instead faith is an invitation to adventure. In the journey of faith there is times we find ourselves in situations and circumstances where our faith has never been and we may have doubt but depending on where our confidence is faith always has the opportunity to catch up.
Faith is the courage to live in a world of doubt and believing that God loves me so passionately that God will stop at nothing until my world and the whole world are gathered together in that love. Faith is the courage to live beyond the uncertainty of the evening news. Faith is the confidence to live with hope surrounded by reasons to doubt.
I believe it is okay for faith and doubt to be a part of anyone’s journey. The challenge comes when our life journey is pushed to the edge. Having our faith challenged is necessary for growth. Weeds of doubt grow in a stagnant faith. But I also know that the danger is that when faith is pushed to the edge that some people will walk away from the faith while others will grow deeper as a result of the experience. What makes the difference? I believe it is where our hope lies. Hope is seeing ourselves and our world as God sees it.
In the book of Revelation there is a description of a letter from God to the Church at Pergamum that says, “To everyone who conquers . . . I will give a white stone, and on the white stone is written a new name that no one knows except the one who receives it.” God has a name for each of us, which has already been given to us. This name will be like the name “Peter” which Jesus gave to Simon. The name means “Rock,” and Jesus said, “On this rock I will build my church.” Peter was not yet a rock. He would still deny Jesus three times and run away in fear and guilt. But Jesus saw him already as he would become, and the name expressed this. Hebrew names express what a thing is, and are not arbitrary like most English names. Each one of us has our own essential name on a white stone, and we have the hope that we will be able to become what is named by that name. What is our ground for this hope? It is the faith that God already knows that name and calls us by it. Faith is the title deed to what we hope for or as the Bible says, “the substance of things hoped for.” God knows us already as we are in Christ.
God is bigger than our questions and so doubts are okay. But we are not to be weighed down by our doubts because God does not define us by our doubts and neither should we. We are not to be a prisoner of the past. What we hope for will influence, condition, and make us into the person that we want to be. What are your dreams? What are your visions? I want to challenge you to spend time with the Lord and ask him to reveal to you how he really sees you, ask him to reveal to you the new name he has given you.