Desperate for Communication: Part One

Men and women communicate differently. When a man says, “Can I help with dinner?” He really means, “Why isn’t it already on the table?” When a woman says, “Come help me with dinner.” She really means, “I want to tell you everything about my day.” When a man says, “Take a break honey, you’re working to hard.” He really means, “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.” When a woman says, “Take a break honey, you’re working too hard.” A woman never says that because she is just glad to get him to do something around the house!

The reason communication can be so challenging is because our behavior is always a function of perception. We behave according to how things seem to us not necessarily what may be true to reality. This causes us to interpret words in a manner that they may not have intended. For example, when I reflect back over most of the arguments my wife and I have had they have developed over either me or her misinterpreted what was being said. Our communication circles around the perceptions we create. The good news is that our perception can be modified.

The words we use will dictate the health and quality of our relationships. Words are powerful. In the story of Job we have a man who has lost everything – his children, his home, and his health. He has three friends who come and try to convince Job that it is his fault that he is in this horrible state. Finally Job has enough of this negative bashing, he says, “"How long are you going to keep battering away at me, pounding me with these harangues? Time after time after time you jump all over me. Do you have no conscience, abusing me like this? Even if I have, somehow or other, gotten off the track, what business is that of yours? Why do you insist on putting me down, using my troubles as a stick to beat me” (Job 19:ff The Message)? The writer of Proverbs says, “Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose” (Proverbs 18:21, The Message). We have a choice. Will we use words to give life or kill? When it comes to your most intimate relationships with spouse, children, and friends how careful are you with your words?